acceptance

Let Go Of "One Day" - This is that day

Today I decided to clear out my wardrobe; I'm not one to hold on to things and I don't like clutter. I've never really been one to get attached to things or people. Change has never been a big deal for me, quite the opposite I get bored easily.

Anyway back to me wardrobe story! I’m sure many of us have a "one-day" wardrobe. You know those clothes we hold onto for when we can actually get into them or when we feel good enough. 

This got me thinking, why do we do this to ourselves? After all, it's crazy to have clothes you may never wear until you become that perfect person you think you should be. Why do we constantly beat ourselves up about not being good enough, right now, right this minute?

So I made a commitment to myself, no more waiting for one day. If it doesn’t fit today or look right today, then no point hanging on to it. There is nothing more liberating than letting go of waiting for the perfect conditions before you just get on with living.

Why do we wait for that “one day”?

Every day I see people struck by unexpected life threatening illness, it's part of my life now. And this often wakes people up to the reality that life is indeed unpredictable. But why do we need to be reminded that in life there are no guarantees?

What are we really waiting for?

When we live with this "one-day" attitude it's most likely because we don't feel quite good enough. We feel not worthy or perhaps incomplete. We are always waiting for something before we give ourselves what we really want and need. We project into a future we don't even know we will reach.

We live in this crazy mind of ours that convinces us that we are not good enough just yet, if ever!

We wait for that perfect body to one day realise that your body is perfect because it's your body, the only one you've got. We buy into all the myths designed to make us feel inadequate, to keep us buying into consumerism, to keep us in fear of actually just loving and accepting ourselves as we are.

We wait for that perfect partner because we don’t feel good enough on our own. This is probably the biggest myth of all. Spending our lives looking for this perfect person to complete us, to give us what we won’t give ourselves. We know we are not perfect, yet we think that a perfect other might exist? 

We buy into this illusion that we need others to validate us, that without a partner we are not worthy. However the truth is that we will leave this world alone, we can't take things or people with us, so best we put ourselves right. And we experience life in the moment, allowing people to flow in and out without expectations. 

The apology we never got

We wait for that apology that we will never get from the people who let us down. We carry anger and regret as if it will somehow make our lives better, not realising that the longer we hold onto this the more of our life we give to those that do not deserve it.

All this waiting for the right time, the right person, and the right place just robs us of life, until one day we look back and know we should have just lived our life.

As I reflected on this subject it suddenly hit me.

This is my life, right this minute.

Of course, there are parts of it I'd like to change. Just like everyone, I have regrets and disappointments but I also have joy, happiness, and lots of love around me.

So what choice do we have but to live now, with all the parts of our life and do our best to put things right? 

There is no choice because we can only experience life in this moment, no point waiting for another time, no point putting things off.

Feeling unworthy and not good enough is no excuse to stop yourself from living life to the fullest. You may never feel worthy, so might as well just do what you want now, no need to wait for permission, no need to wait for someone else to validate you and no need to wait for the perfect conditions.

The greatest shame is to go to our death with regrets, let’s make sure we work on living with no regrets.

 

 

 

 

 

A woman's true Value by Jennifer Aniston

This morning I was taken in by the article written by Jennifer Aniston addressing her experience of being constantly objectified in the news. And while most of us women are not faced with the constant media attention, what we struggle with is mainstream societies view on women.

From a personal perspective I've always been a little out of the box even as a child and as such found trying to fit into this female role most frustrating. For me it's been the view that a woman's value is aligned to her external appearance. That somehow she is less worthy if she doesn't fit into a size 8, 10 or whatever the standard is today. Or that she doesn't wear the right clothes and make up. 

Just like Jennifer Aniston, I'm also fed up of listening to the constant reference to women as a "thing" to look at. Surely beauty is much more than skin and bones? After all isn't the body just a collection of organs covered with skin and bones? It's so ridiculous that it's laughable, yet so many women are sold by this view point.  

What's worse is that this objectification is often from women towards other women and that makes it more infuriating. In some ways it is understandable for men to be seeing women in this way, they are conditioned by society and don't know how it feels to be a woman. But when other women criticize and judge each other based on body shape, it is shameful. Don't get me wrong, there is no justification to objectify anyone, man or woman. My point is that if women are doing it to each other, how do we expect things to change?

The objectification and scrutiny we put women through is absurd and disturbing. - Jennifer Aniston

Before you speak - think! - Words are damaging

As a mindfulness practitioner I like to think I help people raise awareness to the importance of mindful speech and how thoughtless words have an impact on others. Silly remarks about a girls appearance as she is growing up plays a huge part in how she values herself and can shape her self worth.

Yes we can tell a girl she is beautiful but when we say it, we must let them know that beauty is the whole person, not her body, not hair or clothes. Beauty is the mind, the compassion, the attitude and the capacity to be a loving being. 

We are complete with or without a mate, with or without a child. We get to decide for ourselves what is beautiful when it comes to our bodies.

The constant focus on what a woman looks like, her relationship status and her role in society is damaging. It needs to change and it needs to start with us women.

A message to all the "thin, so called beautiful women" - Get over yourself!

As a mother of three men I'm proud to say I've raised men that see women as equals. And from my experience, most men do not want women who are beautiful on the outside. Let's give men more credit than we do, not all men are superficial. If you are attracting men into your life that do not value you or see your worth past what you look like, then perhaps you should ask yourself why?

Right Speech, right view, right intention - from the Noble Eight Fold Path in Buddha's teachings.

Mindfulness and Self Awareness

Before I leave you thinking, what does any of this have to do with Mindfulness, let me explain. Mindfulness is about raising your awareness, it's about letting go of limiting beliefs because they all start and end in the mind. Mindfulness is about practicing being present in the moment and this requires letting the past be in the past. 

Mindfulness above all is about you becoming the best person you can be, about reaching a state where you are at peace with life and fully accept what is, this moment.

Through Mindfulness we see that we are all the same, we all have the same struggles in life. And putting others down to make ourselves feel better comes purely from an egotistic point of view and that damages us more than it damages anyone else.

So perhaps next time before you judge others, you can stop to ask yourself why?