live now

Let Go Of "One Day" - This is that day

Today I decided to clear out my wardrobe; I'm not one to hold on to things and I don't like clutter. I've never really been one to get attached to things or people. Change has never been a big deal for me, quite the opposite I get bored easily.

Anyway back to me wardrobe story! I’m sure many of us have a "one-day" wardrobe. You know those clothes we hold onto for when we can actually get into them or when we feel good enough. 

This got me thinking, why do we do this to ourselves? After all, it's crazy to have clothes you may never wear until you become that perfect person you think you should be. Why do we constantly beat ourselves up about not being good enough, right now, right this minute?

So I made a commitment to myself, no more waiting for one day. If it doesn’t fit today or look right today, then no point hanging on to it. There is nothing more liberating than letting go of waiting for the perfect conditions before you just get on with living.

Why do we wait for that “one day”?

Every day I see people struck by unexpected life threatening illness, it's part of my life now. And this often wakes people up to the reality that life is indeed unpredictable. But why do we need to be reminded that in life there are no guarantees?

What are we really waiting for?

When we live with this "one-day" attitude it's most likely because we don't feel quite good enough. We feel not worthy or perhaps incomplete. We are always waiting for something before we give ourselves what we really want and need. We project into a future we don't even know we will reach.

We live in this crazy mind of ours that convinces us that we are not good enough just yet, if ever!

We wait for that perfect body to one day realise that your body is perfect because it's your body, the only one you've got. We buy into all the myths designed to make us feel inadequate, to keep us buying into consumerism, to keep us in fear of actually just loving and accepting ourselves as we are.

We wait for that perfect partner because we don’t feel good enough on our own. This is probably the biggest myth of all. Spending our lives looking for this perfect person to complete us, to give us what we won’t give ourselves. We know we are not perfect, yet we think that a perfect other might exist? 

We buy into this illusion that we need others to validate us, that without a partner we are not worthy. However the truth is that we will leave this world alone, we can't take things or people with us, so best we put ourselves right. And we experience life in the moment, allowing people to flow in and out without expectations. 

The apology we never got

We wait for that apology that we will never get from the people who let us down. We carry anger and regret as if it will somehow make our lives better, not realising that the longer we hold onto this the more of our life we give to those that do not deserve it.

All this waiting for the right time, the right person, and the right place just robs us of life, until one day we look back and know we should have just lived our life.

As I reflected on this subject it suddenly hit me.

This is my life, right this minute.

Of course, there are parts of it I'd like to change. Just like everyone, I have regrets and disappointments but I also have joy, happiness, and lots of love around me.

So what choice do we have but to live now, with all the parts of our life and do our best to put things right? 

There is no choice because we can only experience life in this moment, no point waiting for another time, no point putting things off.

Feeling unworthy and not good enough is no excuse to stop yourself from living life to the fullest. You may never feel worthy, so might as well just do what you want now, no need to wait for permission, no need to wait for someone else to validate you and no need to wait for the perfect conditions.

The greatest shame is to go to our death with regrets, let’s make sure we work on living with no regrets.

 

 

 

 

 

Mindfulness and it's hidden gem

Mindfulness is not a quick fix

I'm sometimes a little disappointed with how Mindfulness is being seen as a quick fix for one affliction or another. Mindfulness is not a remedy like popping a pill and expecting life to be perfect. In fact most of us that practice Mindfulness will tell you that it's a tough journey, one that takes you into the depths of your emotions, one that makes you challenge everything that you have always taken as truth.

However if you are willing to see Mindfulness as a way of life, one that is life changing once you commit to a sustained practice, then you will be able to experience the hidden gem that is Mindfulness.

What is the hidden gem of Mindfulness?

In life we get attached to people, to expectations of others, the way we want things to be and the way we want people to be with us. We find it difficult to let go and move on from situations and people who are not treating us as we want, preferring to spend our energy and life trying to make them how we want them to be.

Surely it's easier to let go of people and situations that do not serve us, even if they once did? In my experience the process of detaching from habits, from people in our lives can be one of the most challenging times.

If you are invested in security and certainty then you are on the wrong planet - Pema Chodron

 

We refuse to see that it's better to be alone than to be with people who perhaps make us feel less or drain our energy. What's more keeping hold of these unhealthy relationships, stops us from flowing in life, in moving forward, in opening ourselves to other experiences. And this is the saddest part of holding onto things and people due to fear of letting go.

So how does Mindfulness help with this?

Mindfulness teaches us how to live in the moment. Through the practice of Mindfulness we learn to reflect on the past but not live in it. 

When we explore and get to know our selves deeply, we start to understand why it is we are afraid to be alone or to let go of what no longer serves us. 

Mindfulness teaches us to live in the flow of life, without the need to control every situation, every outcome and every person who enters our life. 

As we practice, we learn to sit with ease even when we are struggling with a difficulty. We do this through our formal meditation practice and through our conscious awareness of what is going on in our mind. 

This is not an easy way of life when you first embark on Mindful living, it can kick up so much dust from your past but once the dust settles, you will find an inner peace that can be difficult to ever fully be disturbed again.

This is the hidden gem of Mindfulness.