Today I decided to clear out my wardrobe; I'm not one to hold on to things and I don't like clutter. I've never really been one to get attached to things or people. Change has never been a big deal for me, quite the opposite I get bored easily.
Anyway back to me wardrobe story! I’m sure many of us have a "one-day" wardrobe. You know those clothes we hold onto for when we can actually get into them or when we feel good enough.
This got me thinking, why do we do this to ourselves? After all, it's crazy to have clothes you may never wear until you become that perfect person you think you should be. Why do we constantly beat ourselves up about not being good enough, right now, right this minute?
So I made a commitment to myself, no more waiting for one day. If it doesn’t fit today or look right today, then no point hanging on to it. There is nothing more liberating than letting go of waiting for the perfect conditions before you just get on with living.
Why do we wait for that “one day”?
Every day I see people struck by unexpected life threatening illness, it's part of my life now. And this often wakes people up to the reality that life is indeed unpredictable. But why do we need to be reminded that in life there are no guarantees?
What are we really waiting for?
When we live with this "one-day" attitude it's most likely because we don't feel quite good enough. We feel not worthy or perhaps incomplete. We are always waiting for something before we give ourselves what we really want and need. We project into a future we don't even know we will reach.
We live in this crazy mind of ours that convinces us that we are not good enough just yet, if ever!
We wait for that perfect body to one day realise that your body is perfect because it's your body, the only one you've got. We buy into all the myths designed to make us feel inadequate, to keep us buying into consumerism, to keep us in fear of actually just loving and accepting ourselves as we are.
We wait for that perfect partner because we don’t feel good enough on our own. This is probably the biggest myth of all. Spending our lives looking for this perfect person to complete us, to give us what we won’t give ourselves. We know we are not perfect, yet we think that a perfect other might exist?
We buy into this illusion that we need others to validate us, that without a partner we are not worthy. However the truth is that we will leave this world alone, we can't take things or people with us, so best we put ourselves right. And we experience life in the moment, allowing people to flow in and out without expectations.
The apology we never got
We wait for that apology that we will never get from the people who let us down. We carry anger and regret as if it will somehow make our lives better, not realising that the longer we hold onto this the more of our life we give to those that do not deserve it.
All this waiting for the right time, the right person, and the right place just robs us of life, until one day we look back and know we should have just lived our life.
As I reflected on this subject it suddenly hit me.
This is my life, right this minute.
Of course, there are parts of it I'd like to change. Just like everyone, I have regrets and disappointments but I also have joy, happiness, and lots of love around me.
So what choice do we have but to live now, with all the parts of our life and do our best to put things right?
There is no choice because we can only experience life in this moment, no point waiting for another time, no point putting things off.
Feeling unworthy and not good enough is no excuse to stop yourself from living life to the fullest. You may never feel worthy, so might as well just do what you want now, no need to wait for permission, no need to wait for someone else to validate you and no need to wait for the perfect conditions.
The greatest shame is to go to our death with regrets, let’s make sure we work on living with no regrets.